Stories from the Hart: Catching Curve Balls

Catching Curve Balls by Shannon Hart

I just received the new outline for tonight’s segment that said there were two new celebrity break-ups. It broke my heart. Two of my favorite actors were going to end up in ugly, messy, excruciating divorces and our five o’clock "What’s New Now" news program would be the first media outlet to break the news.
I shook my head. Should I have been happy that we got the news first? Or should I have sulked because another relationship was about to end? I was confused. Nevertheless, life had to move on and since I met those actors probably only twice in my life, my job was more of a priority. I sighed. Another break-up. It was sad.
"Hey Julie, Rob wants to see you in his office," Nancy said as she handed me a copy of the final script for tomorrow morning’s segment.
"What for?"
Nancy shrugged. "No idea. Maybe he wants to ask you out?" she replied cheekily. For some odd reason, she was always trying to get me to go out with Rob, one of my bosses. I had no idea why she thought it was such a good idea and it was hardly even appropriate. The roll of eyes routine I did at her whenever she mentioned the subject should have hinted to her that I wasn’t interested. I mean, seriously, why would I want that?
After all the relationships I had seen, and all the break-ups I had witnessed in my job and in my life, the last thing I wanted to happen was to fall in love at the office. I was one of those people who vowed never to mix business with pleasure, as cliché as that may sound. My morals, which I believe kept me sane in this business, have guarded me from making the same mistake some of my best friends have made.
I have vowed to be the one to dodge the bullet, to keep myself from the utter humiliation of an office breakup, and a career ending prematurely because of the awkwardness of having to continue to see each other every single day post breakup.
From my beautiful corner office at ENN, short for Entertainment News Network, I walked over hesitantly to Rob Chambers’ office. With my brown leather notebook in hand, I was ready to face whatever he had in store for me. Or so I thought.
I smiled as I passed by Joanna, the new receptionist who had just started that day. Her hands were nervously pressing the phones, struggling to keep track of everyone’s extensions and messages. I felt a pang of sympathy for her.
Five years ago, I was nowhere near this side of the world. Heck, I didn’t even think I’d stand a chance to be where I am now as the Communications Director at ENN.
I was fresh out of college, with an idealistic mind, thinking I’d go conquer the world and that my dreams would come true. Don’t we all think that the minute we have that big old diploma in our hands?
Yes, I was totally one of those people. I had the diploma in my hand, and a list of jobs to apply for. I thought I was destined for greatness, you know. I majored in International Relations and thought I’d be a president someday and change the world. Ha. A lot has definitely changed since then.
After sending piles and piles of applications, the only job I finally managed to get was as an assistant at Bradford & Associates, the PR Company that my roommate Riley worked for. Oh, and by the way, before you think I got the job because of my wonderful computer and telephone answering skills, I got the job because Riley’s mom was the Human Resources Manager and she felt sorry for me. Or as she put it "I’m afraid her skinny unemployed ass won’t be able to pay her half of the rent!" But hey, her pity, or whatever it was, got me going and I couldn’t thank her enough.
From the assistant position, I worked my way up as a PR executive because Dana Morrow, the president of the firm, believed in me. She got her big break because someone believed in her, so she promised herself to one day return the favor to someone deserving. That someone just happened to be me. Before I knew it, I was hijacked by ENN and here I am, with my big corner office with possibly the best view in the city. That is, if you look outside. If you look the other way, facing inside, all you see is the corner office across from mine, the office of the one and only Rob Chambers. That’s what happens when your office is designed with all glass interiors. Why couldn’t someone have put a wall in here somewhere? Jeez, a girl needed privacy sometimes, you know?
For some people, Rob Chambers was a household name. Strike that, who was I kidding? It wasn’t "for some people," it was "for the whole world." He was not only the executive producer of the hottest morning show in the country, Sunrise with Rob Chambers, he was also the host, who hosts the 6am to 10am morning show that is syndicated in at least 30 countries worldwide. Did I mention that he is the major shareholder of ENN with 65% under his name, and owns at least 5 radio stations in this town? Oh, and let’s not forget that he also owns "Ssshhh!" the fastest growing and hottest selling celebrity gossip magazine in the US market today.
Everyone loved Rob Chambers. In fact, as far as I could remember, the only bad publicity he had gotten over the last five years was one lame headline quoting him allegedly saying, "I’m so lonely!"
"Julie, thanks for stopping by," he said politely, and pulled out a chair for me.
"Is there anything I can do for you?" I asked nonchalantly, not wanting to sound like I hated him, or like I liked him either.
"Do you know about the issue Cara Carpenter is making about the dress that Andrea Rhodes wore on yesterday’s five o’clock segment?" he asked, looking straight at me.
"Yes, and I am dealing with it. Apparently, the closing credits mentioned it was a Samantha Shane dress instead of Cara Carpenter. I spoke to legal, and they are dealing with it, and I have the statements from our side drafted up and ready for release tomorrow." I had my arms crossed, which was probably body language for defensiveness or something.
"Great... Great… Now, what about the preparations for the gala tonight?"
"Everything is going as planned. We’ll need you to make your grand entrance with your date at 8:30 sharp. We have your tux from Giorgio ready, and her dress from Chanel. The limo will be at your house by 7, and the speech is already in your tux pocket."
"Date? You got me a date?" The expression on his face showed a true sense of surprise and I was completely confused.
"Rob, last week we talked about this already. I told you it would be good if you could bring a date, so we arranged for you to go with Tania Walters. We fitted her in the most beautiful Chanel gown yesterday. She stopped eating for a week to fit into that dress!"
"What makes you think I’d look good with Tania Walters on my arm?" he asked, squinting.
"Anyone would look good with Tania Walters! She’s so beautiful she could walk with Shrek and he’d look like a million bucks!" I exclaimed, a bit too loudly. "So what does this mean? You don’t want to bring her? Do we have to alter the dress for someone else you want to bring?" It was a totally fair question, since we did have to do it before. It wouldn’t have been the first time. Two months ago, the "victim" was Joanna Pierce, a lovely British model. We got her all dressed up, and Rob’s limo never picked her up. The limo picked up Aileen Parker instead, and brought Aileen to Joanna’s place to practically tear the dress off of Joanna.
"Well, to be honest I had someone else in mind," he said quizzically.
"Who? Brooke Benson? Riley Scott?"
"Hmm… not exactly," he said, as he moved from his seat to the seat next to me.
I quickly opened my notebook. I was trying to find the list of names I wrote down last week while I was picking my brain trying to find Rob the best possible date for tonight’s gala.
I shook my head.
"The only name I have left here are Ann Robertson, Stacie Riviera and Madeline Chan. Any of those ladies you’d prefer?"
"Julie, close your notebook."
I looked up.
"Just stop that for a minute. I know you have my best interest at heart and I appreciate you trying to line up all these beautiful models to be my date for the gala but tonight’s gala is extremely important to me."
"I know that, Rob. That’s why I’m doing this. We want the public to see you with a beautiful girl not just because she’d look pretty as arm candy. We want people to see you looking like you’re in love, or full of love, or something like that. This gala is honoring you for the work you have done with society. They don’t want to see you as a sad, lonely guy." As soon as the words left my mouth, I knew I shouldn’t have said them. He hated that headline he got a few years ago, mostly because it was true. No, he never said those words. But even though he never said them, it didn’t mean they weren’t actually true.
"I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that," I said, regretting the fact that I had forgotten to filter my words. I had a way of doing that sometimes, even my mom hated it.
"It’s OK, Julie. In a sense, you’re right. And I agree with you actually."
"That’s great! So we can agree on Tania?" I responded excitedly.
He shook his head. "No, I meant I agree with you that I need to be in love. Or full of love. Or something like that."
My eyes narrowed and I tried to read his expression, but I was completely lost. I had no idea where he was going with this.
"Julie, I have actually been meaning to ask you to be my date for the gala. I have wanted to say something for a week now, but I just never found the courage nor the opportunity."
"I don’t understand… why me?" I asked, completely dumbfounded.
"Why not you? You’re beautiful, smart, and talented. You’re kind and caring and I’ve been falling for you since you walked through my office the first time. Tonight is so special to me and I can’t imagine sharing it with anyone but you."
To say I was shocked would not be entirely accurate. I was more than shocked, but didn’t have the right words to describe it.
For one, I couldn’t get over the fact that he wanted me – silly old me – to be his date to such an important event in his life. And secondly, did he say he never found the courage? Was that even possible? Rob Chambers, someone so high and mighty, didn’t have courage? Thirdly, he had been falling for me? As in falling in love or something? Was this his idea of a cruel joke?
I could hear my heart beating so loudly it was like it was on a loud speaker for the whole office to hear. I swallowed hard, not knowing how to answer or what to do next.
"Julie? Are you going to say anything?" he raised his eyebrows and asked.
Under different circumstances, it would have been hilarious to see him like that, suddenly at a loss of confidence. Under these circumstances, I actually found it to be rather charming, not to mention good for my ego. I mean, seriously, the thought of me making him doubt himself was beyond a five-star rating.
"So, what do you say, Julie? Will you be my date?" he asked again, with a hopeful look in his eyes.
As if I had no control over myself, I nodded and agreed to being picked up at my apartment at 7:30. I left his office smiling and found myself with the classic, overrated butterflies in my stomach. It was like I didn’t even remember that I had made those sacred vows of avoiding office relationships, even though technically this was only one date.
But I guess that was life. It threw curve balls at you when you least expected it. You thought you were safe, you thought you knew it all. Then, the ball was suddenly heading your way, and you could see it clearly. Did you catch it? Or did you run, because you had never been good at sports anyway, so why bother?

Stories from the Hart: The Player

The Player by Shannon Hart

I should have listened to myself when my brain told me this would be a bad idea. There was an alarm ringing in my head, begging me to say no when Casey came up with the idea, but I ignored it. Ugh. I really should have said no, but I just couldn’t bear the thought of seeing Casey and her puppy-dog like begging face.
She was always so good at getting me to do stuff I didn’t really want to do. Like that time when we had just graduated high school and she got me to backpack across Europe with her, which turned out to be a disaster waiting to happen. We got robbed in Paris and were literally penniless for a little over a week until her brother flew down and bailed us out of poverty and stink (we didn’t bathe for like a week). Then, there was that other time when we were about fifteen. She was on her hands and knees and nearly in tears asking me to go to the state carnival with her so she could hang out with Teddy McIntosh. I didn’t really want to, but she swore that we’d have a great time. Actually, she just ended up puking all over my dress, so I had to call my mom from a pay phone. She picked us up and we dropped Casey off at her house, and then sat there watching while her mother lectured her for half an hour.
And now, thanks to her pleading and begging, I found myself at a dark Indian restaurant, sitting next to a complete stranger – who by the way looked kind of like Carrot Top – and opposite Casey, who was all snuggled up with her new guy.
Oh, did I mention that her new guy was a guy I had been flirting with for weeks?
Casey didn’t know that though and Dan, the guy, didn’t seem to want her to know either. He held out his hand and introduced himself as Daniel Woodson and said that it was a pleasure to meet me. He acted all calm and polite when he shook my hand, but boy did I see panic flash through his eyes.
I could have blown his cover and said, “Dan! What a pleasure to see you again! I haven’t seen you since… hmm… I don’t know, since this afternoon when you asked me if we could get coffee sometime?” but I didn’t. I gracefully shook his hand back and smiled, saying it was a pleasure to meet him – the guy Casey had been talking nonstop about for the past week.
If only I had known that the guy she was gushing about was, in fact, the guy I was talking about too, I would have never agreed to go on this stupid double date. Wait, that’s not right. If I had known, I would have probably skipped all the flirting and went straight to the slapping.
It was so weird. Last week when Casey and I had dinner at our favorite hang out place on 52nd Street, we were both so excited to swap stories about how things were going with our “potential” boyfriends. It was rare that we were both at the same stage, you know, that stage when you’re flirting with the guy, hinting that you like each other, and feeling butterflies in your stomach every time you meet.
Casey and I had been friends since we were in diapers but we were usually never on the same page. She would be single when I had a boyfriend, I’d be going through a break-up when she was just going on the first few dates, and she’d be breaking up by the time I found a new guy. It was always like that, and in a way it was why we coexisted so perfectly.
This was the first time she and I had ever been in the beginning stage of a relationship, and just when we thought things were so good, I found out we were actually after the same guy.
Wasn’t life just peachy?
“Hey, you’re awfully quiet,” Carrot Top – I mean, Jerry, asked me.
Not kidding, he did look like Carrot Top.
“Sorry, I’m a little preoccupied,” I answered, looking straight at Dan, hoping he’d understand what I was talking about. Even if he did, he completely ignored it.
“With what?” Jerry asked, sliding his hand on top of mine. I slid my hand back, then pretended to reach for by purse.
“Nothing, just work. I had a pretty busy day today,” I answered. I didn’t actually lie; I did have a pretty busy day. But that wasn’t what I was preoccupied with.
“Stop thinking of work. It’s Friday for God’s sake!” Casey said, finally looking in my direction after having stared in Dan’s for the past twenty-five minutes.
“Yeah, Nat, lighten up a bit,” Dan said as he smiled his usually charming smile. That night, his smile was actually rather sickening to me. I glared at him, shooting him a “how dare you” look, which I knew he caught.
He turned to Casey, gave her a quick peck on the forehead and excused himself to go to the bathroom. Jerry excused himself from the table too, saying he had to make a quick phone call. As soon as they were out of sight, I quickly moved over and sat next to Casey.
“Casey, honey, about Dan…” I began to say.
 “He’s so adorable, isn’t he? I mean, he’s so charming and funny,” she gushed, completely ignoring the worried look I had on my face.
“Yeah, he’s a hoot. Look, there’s something you need to know about Dan…” I tried to say again.
“Oh, Nat, I am falling hard for this guy. I mean, he could be the one!” she exclaimed. Her hands were on her chest, and it was almost like I could visually see her heart thumping.
For a few brief moments, I was in awe. In all the years she and I had been friends, never once did I see her glow and fall so head over heels for a guy. Sure, there were times when it seemed like she was madly in love with a guy (e.g. Chad Westwick four years ago, Jason Edgar two years ago and Phil Philips just earlier this year), but she never looked this happy before. Never.
Do I tell her and break her heart? Or do I keep this tiny little secret and just let her be happy?
Of course, letting her be happy meant lying to her. Some would argue that technically, it was more of a non-disclosure thing as opposed to actually telling a lie, but it was the same thing to me. It meant not letting my best friend know that the guy she was “falling hard” for was actually a potential two-timing jerk because he was flirting with two girls over the past two weeks.
I looked at Casey and watched her smile, blush and saw her eyes twinkle repeatedly. Even though she was dressed in an uber-tight dress, she actually had the glow of a blushing bride.
Do I have the heart to tell her? Can I keep this damn secret for the rest of my life? And another thing – can I actually live with the fact that Dan would end up with Casey instead of me?
After all, a few hours ago when I was batting eyelashes at him in our building’s elevator, I thought I was going to be the one dating him, not her. Never in a million years did I even think Casey would be a candidate for competition!
“Natalie, you wanted to say something?” Casey asked, finally awakening from her Dan-filled daze.
“Huh?” I answered.
“You wanted to say something… about Dan?” She had that puppy-dog look on her face again, as if she was begging me not to ruin this for her. Her eyes looked as if they were telling me that this was such a great thing going on for her – that she just wanted to enjoy it.
So then, reluctantly, I just shrugged. Instead of warning her about Dan, instead of telling her that he asked me out earlier and told me he wanted to “get to know me better,” I just shrugged. I shrugged like it didn’t matter, like it wasn’t important at all. I told myself I’d tell her tomorrow.
Dan came back from his so-called bathroom trip – and I said so-called because I had a hard time believing anything he said now – and sat back down in his seat.
“Sorry I took so long. Now, where were we?” he asked, gazing lovingly into Casey’s eyes.
For a short minute, I actually believed he felt the same way about Casey as she did for him. It looked like he was looking at her so lovingly, until I realized he was looking straight past her… at the girl in the red dress at the table next to us.
I felt my blood boil and instantly decided, no matter how happy Casey looked, she was just too good for this guy. She deserved better.
Just as I was about to open my mouth, I felt a rush of wind pass by me. Before I knew it, a woman in a pale pink tube dress was pouring a cup of hot tea down Dan’s pants, cursing, swearing, and calling him names that would make my grandmother cringe.
“What is going on?” Casey asked, panic-stricken and nearly in tears.
“What’s going on? You want to know what’s going on?” Pink dress lady cried. “This is what’s going on!” she screamed, as she threw a ring at Dan’s face before storming out of the restaurant.
“Dude, was that Elsa?” Jerry asked, smirking, obviously finding the whole thing hilarious.
Dan nodded and shrugged.
“So, I guess I’m getting a divorce then,” he said, wiping his wet pants with his khaki colored handkerchief.
“You’re married!” Casey shrieked.
“Well, probably not anymore after tonight…” Dan answered lightly.
If it wasn’t for the fact that we were in a restaurant full of people, I would have lunged forward and grabbed him by the neck. The fact that he spoke so lightly of his soon-to-be dissolved marriage just made me sick.
“Casey, let’s go.” I walked over to Casey instead, who was already practically howling in her disappointment. I had my arm around her shoulder and I felt her bury her head below my arm. I gave Dan one last hateful look before escorting Casey out of the restaurant. I heard Jerry call out for me and ask me to call him, and it took every ounce of my self-control to not give him the finger.
As soon as we got outside, we found poor, pink-dressed Elsa standing there, shivering in the cold and crying her eyes out.
“Are you OK?” I asked her, patting her shoulder lightly.
“I’m fine…” she answered in between sobs.
“I’m so sorry this happened,” I said, truthfully sympathetic to the whole Dan situation.
Casey nodded, feeling so terrible that she was even at the table with Dan. She couldn’t believe she could be labeled the “other woman.”
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he was married,” she whispered.
Elsa shook her head. “No, don’t be sorry. It’s not your fault. He’s always been like this. In fact, I actually stole him from his first wife, so…”
Casey and I looked at each other. To say that we were astonished and surprised would be the understatement of the year.
“So he’s…”
“A player… One of the biggest I’ve ever met. He has two other girlfriends that he’s been seeing over the past month, and I found out about you,” she said pointing to Casey, “yesterday. There’s another one, tall brunette, but I didn’t manage to get any info on her except for her name. She’s supposedly working in his building.”
My heart almost stopped. She’s talking about me, I thought. I felt sweat break on my forehead, and immediately felt dizzy.
“Really? What… I mean, why… I mean…” I panicked. I couldn’t even speak properly, and I knew Casey was looking at me like I was a freak or something. I couldn’t blame her really because I sure sounded like one.
I took a deep breath and tried to regain my composure.
“What I mean is, it’s over now. So, why bother with the little details?” I asked as I tried to smile and look sincere at the same time while I also desperately tried to avoid Elsa blurting my name out.
“I know. I should… I should just let it go. I should let it all go. Him, our marriage, everything.” Elsa looked down and started to cry again.
 “No, no, no, don’t cry again,” I begged. I’d had enough crying for one night.
“Nat’s right, this other girl is not important,” Casey said, to which I responded with a loud sigh. Too loud perhaps, since both Casey and Elsa looked at me immediately.
“Nat?” Casey lifted an eyebrow at me questioningly. I froze.
“Is something wrong? You’ve been a little weird,” she continued, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Why… why would you say that?” I stuttered, which I hadn’t done since I was five.
“Nat, come on, I know you. You always stutter and get fidgety when you’ve got something to say!”
I shrugged. “I have no idea what you’re talking about,” I said.
“Come on, Nat. What’s going on?”
I sighed.
“Elsa, what did you say the name of the girl from Dan’s office was?” I asked.
Elsa shook her head. “I didn’t say her name yet but it’s Karen,” she answered, looking down at her now ring-less finger.
“I didn’t want to say… Wait, what? Did you say Karen?” I asked, eyes wide and heart crushed. There was another girl besides me?
I shook my head repeatedly. I couldn’t believe it. Just how many girls were there?
“I’m sorry ladies. I just have to do this,” I said, as I marched right back into the restaurant. I wasn’t even surprised when I saw Dan and Jerry still sitting at our table, laughing and enjoying the bottle of wine that Casey picked out earlier.
I stomped over to the table, grabbed the nearest plate of food and dumped it right on Dan’s shirt. In reflex, he stood up, but my aim was perfect.
Elsa and Casey had followed behind me and couldn’t stop giggling as they witnessed the whole spectacle.
“What was that for?” Jerry asked, dumbfounded.
“Let’s just say I acted on behalf of the dozen or so girls he’s been toying with the past couple of weeks.” I wiped my hands off with Dan’s napkin, straightened my skirt, and walked out a hero.
I probably should have told them the truth about being one of the women Dan was flirting with too, but I didn’t. So, sue me. Some things are just not worth mentioning.