Dating. Exciting times, right? Dating your husband? Um, perhaps not so much! Let’s face it ladies, going on the same dates with the same guy for years and years (and years!) could easily become boring, to put it kindly.
Scientifically, it’s a known fact that the highs we experience when first falling in love wane significantly after about eighteen months. A physiological imperative, we may not be able to get around that, but we can take steps to keep things ramped up long-term!
Here are a few tips to help keep the romance going, dates lively, and have both of you looking forward to spending time together!
1. Remind yourself of what you like about him - What are the reasons you fell in love? Is he handsome, funny, smart, a good dancer? Whatever the things are that attracted you to him in the first place are likely still there… although they may be hidden under the daily grind of work, parenting, and mowing the lawn. Seek and ye shall find!
2. Think about what initially made him attracted to you - Over time, we tend to get a bit too… (name your poison) serious, comfortable, busy, whatever. Try to remember the person you were when you were dating and let those traits come out on today’s dates! Sexy? Funny? Intellectual? A little naughty? Bring it!
3. Ban romance-killing conversation - Yes, you love your kids. Yes, you work hard at your jobs. Yes, your mother needs help moving a dresser. Be brief, ladies! Think about what you would talk about if you were dating a new guy. Your mother’s dresser? No! If necessary, spend a few minutes on Yahoo Newsbrowsing some articles and headlines to get an idea of what’s going on outside of your daily life. A great band coming to town? A new restaurant everyone’s talking about? A good book you’ve just read? A controversial trial in the news? Cultivate date night conversations that bring out the people in you and set aside the humdrum topics of daily life.
4. Go different places - Sure, we all have our favorite haunts and sometimes that’s nice, but it can bring a little excitement to mix things up! Try a new restaurant, go to a different pub, visit a museum, or drive to another area and walk the downtown. Just being somewhere different and experiencing new things together can make the date more fun.
5. Act as if you’re on a date - This may sound simple, but the truth is that we may become a little too comfortable with our husbands. I’m not saying that you should act phony, but do act as if you’re on a date! If you were freshly dating, you would put on a nice outfit, do your makeup, and refrain from openly yawning. Do the same when dating your husband! Make eye contact, smile, let yourself laugh, touch his arm. It can make a huge difference!
6. Stop “waiting” to get your “sexy back” - Let’s face it, we’re not in high school anymore and certain things may have changed over time. Whether you’ve had children, too many rich meals, or time is simply catching up with you—get over it! Instead of lamenting the loss of what you were like before, make the most of the you that you are right now. Let yourself feel sexy and you’ll start acting sexy, seeming sexy, being sexy. And self-confidence is attractive!
7. Make love like you’re dating - For most married couples, love making can become a habitual pattern that gets to be like watching your favorite movie for the hundredth time: You enjoy it, but it certainly isn’t exciting or surprising. Mix things up a bit, whether it be a different position, a different room, or simply sending him a spicy text while he’s taking the dog for his last walk of the night!
I hope you enjoy these tips, and I look forward to your comments! Have additional ideas to share? Post them here! Like these ideas? Let us know! Most of all, have fun!
Lori Verni-Fogarsi has been a freelance writer, journalist, columnist, and seminar speaker for over fifteen years. She is the author of the novel, Momnesia, contemporary women's fiction, as well as the nonfiction book, Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs. Lori is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. Originally a native New Yorker, she now divides her time between Raleigh, NC, and Lake Gaston, VA, where she is hard at work on her next novel. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boating, traveling with her husband, napping, and attending her children's many activities. Lori invites you to learn more at her website and enjoy her active communities on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest!