Embracing The Person You Are Today

Let’s face it ladies… things change over time. Whether you’ve had kids, too many rich meals, or time is simply following its normal course, chances are you may not look quite like you did in high school.

In my novel, Momnesia, an average mom is struggling between her “momminess” and her “sexiness.” Life has taken over, and she no longer feels like “herself” anymore. She sets about trying to finesse a new version of her old vivaciousness. In my chats with women of all ages—both with children and without—most of us can relate! The problem? She doesn’t feel sexy anymore, and according to many women I’ve spoken with in real life, this is very common. In fact, one of the most frequent comments I hear is, “Sexiness? Yeah, right!”

Many of us have a tendency to look back at who we used to be. Whether a high school cheerleader or an average gal, we often feel like we’ve strayed so far, it’s almost unimaginable that we’d ever feel the way we did before. (Before kids, before our careers took over, before whatever other changes may have occurred, etc.) Between that and all we see in the media, it’s no wonder so many of us feel decidedly un-sexy!

To some extent, we’re right. The fact is, we’re not in high school, and we’re never going to look and feel exactly like we did back then. In the story, the main character comes to this conclusion and realizes that if she “waits” to feel sexy again, she could easily be waiting forever! She also concludes that it would be extraordinarily unlikely that she would look back in ten years and think she looks any better then, than she did right now: “The Chicken Belly Flap Thing and all the other imperfections would undoubtedly still be there, but there would also be innumerable other blemishes; physical woes I hadn’t even thought of yet.”

Personally, (difficult though it sometimes is), I try to remind myself to take inspiration from this character on an ongoing basis. Sure I’d like to be thinner and not have a muffin top! But I’ve decided that, while I am working toward that goal, I’m not going to “wait” until I’m “perfect” before I put on a decent blouse and do my makeup! I try to embrace today’s version of my sexiness, rather than cheat myself out of self-esteem in the meanwhile. And self-esteem is sexy!

So many of us are “waiting for” something to happen before we “allow ourselves” to feel sexy again, but really it’s up to us to make it happen in our own hearts and minds. In our actions. In the way we think about ourselves. Instead of mourning all of the things that have changed, we can make the choice to appreciate the positive characteristics we do have, right now, at this time in our lives.

So, what do you say ladies? Shall we bring our sexy back starting now? You bet!

Lori Verni-Fogarsi has been a freelance writer, journalist, columnist, and seminar speaker for over fifteen years. She is the author of the novel, Momnesia, contemporary women's fiction,  as well as the nonfiction book, Everything You Need to Know About House Training Puppies and Adult Dogs. Lori is a happily married mom of two, step mom of two more, and has two cats, both rotten. Originally a native New Yorker, she now divides her time between Raleigh, NC, and Lake Gaston, VA, where she is hard at work on her next novel. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, boating, traveling with her husband, napping, and attending her children's many activities. Lori invites you to learn more at her website and enjoy her active communities on Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest!