“But why do you need to know?”
“Because! You, me and Scott under the same roof? That is already a strange enough situation. If there is more drama coming my way, I need to know about it. If one day Lisa, Lucy, or what’s her name comes barging through my door, and you guys end up having world war three in my living room, I want to be prepared for it.”
“We’re not going to have world war three in your living room. I promise you.”
“How do I know that for sure?”
“Because she was very, very clear about never wanting to see or hear from me again.”
His face fell, and I was suddenly speechless. I recognized that look; sadness, anger, helplessness, all rolled into one.
“Julian,” I reached out and patted him on the arm. “If it’s too hard to talk about, I understand. I’m sorry.” As curious as I was, it was obvious he was still hurting. How could I be so insensitive?
“It’s not hard to talk about, but it’s hard to talk to you about it.”
I nodded. “I know, I know. We’ve barely spoken a word to each other in a long time. We used to be friends but we’re not like that anymore. I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”
“No, it’s not that.”
“I haven’t been very nice to you, I know. I… It was just easier to not talk to you or see you and… When you were standing at the door, I was just… I don’t know, scared, I guess. I didn’t really prepare myself for what it would be like to see you again.”
“But we did see each other after the breakup. We met at Danny’s wedding.”
“You waved at me from the other end of the ballroom. That doesn’t count.”
“At least we were civil with each other. That’s got to count for something.”
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess it does.”
“Yeah, it does. We didn’t have ‘world war three’ at Danny’s and Emma’s wedding. That should count for a lot.”
I smiled for a second longer than I should have. Julian was gazing into my eyes when I remembered he used to always say it was my smile he fell in love with the first time he saw me.
I cleared my throat. “Look, if you don’t want to talk, it’s fine.” I pushed my empty coffee cup aside. “We should head back up before Scott gets worried.”
“He seems nice.”
“Scott? Yeah, he is.”
“So… you’re happy… with him, I mean?” He wasn’t looking at me when he asked that.
“What kind of question is that?”
“I just… want to know.”
“I thought you didn’t want to talk?”
“No, you said I didn’t want to talk.”
“I asked about you first and you didn’t answer me. Until you answer me, I’m not saying a word.”
He shook his head and had half of a grin on his face. “Listen. This is how it’s going to be, okay? You tell me whether or not you’re happy, then I’ll tell you everything you want to know about me and Lisa.”
“Why is it so important for you to know if I’m happy or not?”
“Why can’t you just answer the question?”
Julian still had that half grin on his face, but something told me he didn’t really find our banter amusing at all.
I sat back, my way of showing him it was getting a bit weird.
“Please just answer the question, Z. I’m begging you,” Julian said. Within seconds, the grin had completely disappeared from his face, and in its place was a pained expression.
“Fine, I will. But tell me why.”
“Because, Z. Every day since we split up, I’ve been going out of my mind wondering if you are happy and if breaking up was the right thing to do.”
“Julian…”
“Not a day goes by that I don’t think of you. I know we agreed that being together was too hard, too complicated. But what if we were wrong?”
Before I could react, my phone started vibrating along with the roaring sound of Katy Perry’s “California Gurls.”
Scott.
“Please, don’t answer that. Not now,” Julian pleaded.
I looked at him, then at my phone, then at him again. It literally took two seconds to decide what to do.
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